Pages From John

Tag: fear

  • Trust me. I know…

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to be wronged.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to do wrong.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to lie to myself that I don’t know what I am doing wrong.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to want to prove all those people in the past wrong.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to believe I am alone in my pain.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to hate the world.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to hate myself.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to place myself above others at the same time.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to lie.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to want revenge.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to hurt those that care about me.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to make mistakes and hide them under a rug.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to reject the realness of love out of fear.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to be a coward.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to be jealous.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to want to show them how stupid they all are.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to have rage.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to pride myself as perfect.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to expect perfection from others.

    Trust me. I know what it feels like to have let down expectations.

    But also trust me on this…

    I know what it feels like to forgive.

    It is never too late.

    Forgive. Everyone, including yourself.

    Actually forgive.

    Trust me. I know it is hard.

    But it will never end otherwise.

    Dethrone pain and fear.

    For yourself. For love. For your life.

    And when I make my future mistakes…

    I hope I will again try to turn around.

  • A Matter of Life or Death

    To be truly and fully alive is to be responsible.
    To be responsible is to be able to give a response.

    That is what separates a living thing from a dead thing.

    If we give our responses based on how our friends perceive us,
    If we give our responses based on how morally acceptable it appears,
    If we give our responses based on how our government will punish us,
    If we give our responses based on how our priest will reprimand us,
    If we give our responses based on the rewards that are set up in front of us,
    If we give our responses based on a system constructed around us,
    If we give our responses that are contrary to our personal truth,

    Are we actually responding?

    or are we following a response handed to us?

    A response commanded to us!

    We were given life! LIFE!
    And yet we have chosen death.

    A comfortable, easy, thoughtless death.

    Come alive! Come alive! Come alive!

    Take the controls of life!
    Stop being so damn fake.
    Have we ever been real?
    Our life is running out…
    But are we even alive yet?
    Or are we pretending to be a dead thing?

    Are we responding?

    Do we love ourselves enough to be ourselves?
    Or will we continually choose hate and repression?
    Are we going to be grateful for being alive?
    Or are we going to be ungrateful and give up what makes us alive?

    We all must choose.

    It is a matter of love or fear.
    It is a matter of life or death.

    To be or not to be…
    That is the question.